99 Problems
by A Yugo Named Jessie
Summary: When Carson Billings -Doug's younger cousin, is forced to join Doug and his friends in Las Vegas for their bachelor party by both her and Doug's parents she suddenly finds herself caught in the middle of the wildest night of her life.


Leaning against the Mercedes I watch as Phil tries to explain the situation to Tracy as lightly as possible. But Tracy being the neurotic worrier she is and Phil being… well, _Phil _we all sort of know the situation won't end on any note of lightness. Next to me stands Stu whose face is scrunched up due to the pulsing sun and beside him is Alan who looks totally calm, cool, and collected. Something the rest of us definitely aren't.

"Hey Tracy, its Phil," he rubs the back of his head awkwardly, looking back the rest of us. In all honestly, this is the first I've see Phil legitimately worried about what happened. Through this whole thing he's been pretty good with it, better than Stu and I who've probably been freaking out the most throughout the last twelve or so hours.

"Yeah, uh… listen." He sighs moving his gaze around. "We fucked up," for a short amount of time there's a long pause and during Phil looks directly at me and shrugs his shoulders. "The bachelor party; the whole night… it –uh, things got out of control and uh…" He stops speaking and everything remains silent for a good minute before he finally tells her what's going on, "we lost Doug."

From a few feet away I can hear Tracy freaking out.

"We can't find Doug!" Phil raises his free arm in the air, shaking his head. He looks back at the rest of us, running his fingers through his hair. "Yeah… that's not gonna' happen."

As I walk down through my bedroom packing up my things I dial my cousin Doug's phone number and press my cell phone against my ear with my shoulder. For a couple of seconds I listen to the sound of the annoying ring as it repeats itself over and over until finally he picks up and says: _"Hello?"_

"Hey Dougie, what'cha doing?"

_"Alan and I are just at the tailors getting our suits fitted." _

I'm about to reply, but I'm cut off by the sound of Alan screaming loudly. I'm not sure what he says, but seeing as its Alan I'm not really sure I want to know. In response to the commotion on the other end I hear Doug sigh, _"relax Alan, he's just doing your inseam." _

Chuckling, I walk over to my closet and grab a couple of outfits. I mean, even though I'm going to be in Vegas with Doug and his friends for barely a full twenty-four hours I still want to look good.

_"Right, thanks Floyd, thank you very much."_

"Doug?"

_"What? Oh, sorry Car. I was just taking care of something."_

"It's all good, but listen, I have to go a friends place and do some stuff so I was wondering if you could just pick me up there when you're done."

_"Oh yeah, no problem, whereabouts does she live?" _

I tell him the address and after that we say our goodbyes. When the line goes dead I grab my phone and throw it on the bed beside my suitcase which is now filled up the brim with all the essentials I'll need to survive one night in Vegas. Feeling accomplished, I zip it up and lift it from the bed momentarily before dropping it back on the ground. Casually, I then pull the handle from the top of it and drag it across the hardwood floors of my apartment towards the front door. As I pass through the kitchen though, I stop and grab my house and car keys from a crystal bowl resting on the center of the kitchen table.

"Goodbye house. See you later." I mumble dryly to myself as I open the front door and enter the hallway. Quickly, I lock the door, slip my keys into one of my pockets, and then practically make my way to the elevator. Once I get there I press the button that leads to the lobby and wait patiently.

Normally, one girl would be excited to go to Vegas with four guys, but me –ha, hell no. I've never had much interest in talking about the place, let alone actually visiting it, _especially _on my twenty-second birthday. I mean, the only reason I was going in the first place was because my parents and Doug's parents both agreed it'd be a good idea to have someone with an actual sense of mind to tag along with them. So, in other words I'm pretty much chaperoning their bachelor party which if you think about it is pretty lame on both their parts and mine. Thankfully though, Doug doesn't mind me –his younger cousin, tagging along for the ride, but I'm thinking that's because we sort of grew up together. Not to mention partied a lot during his college and my high school years.

When I get to the lobby and the elevator doors open I walk out and see Trish already making her way towards the elevator. As soon as she sees me she smiles, hip-checking me lightly.

"Why are you here? I thought I was meeting you at your house?"

She shrugs, "you were taking too long so I decided to show up here instead."

Both of us enter the elevator and I pull out my phone to call Doug again. Trish gives me a curious look, but I ignore it, waiting for him to answer again.

_"Hello?"_

"Hey, scratch that last phone call. You can just pick me up at my place."

_"Okay, sounds good." _

"See you…?" I drag my response out curiously.

_"Fifteen minutes." _

I nod my head, "alright see you in fifteen minutes." I hang up my phone, slipping it into the back pocket of my jeans. After, I look at Trish who's already fishing for something in her purse. Awkwardly, I cock my eyebrows.

"Where is it?" She mumbles.

"What are you doing?" As soon as I ask my question the elevator doors fly open on my floor and both of us exit into the hallway. For a couple of moments we walk until we reach my doorway and I fish out my keys from one of my other pockets. When I get it I unlock my door and drop all of my stuff.

"Aha!" Trish cries triumphantly, handing me a small box.

"What's this?"

"You birthday present," she says, _"duh." _She hands me the box.

"Well sorry if I didn't know."

"Open it!"

"But my birthday's not until tomorrow?" I complain.

She rolls her eyes, snatching the box from me and opening it herself because she knows I won't do it myself until tomorrow. When she finishes taking off the wrapping and the lid she hands it back to me. "You're going to need it."

The moment I see the present I can't help, but groan. Inside is a pair of lacy red underwear and a bra to match. Sometimes I wish Trish could be a good friend and get something that I like or at least you know _need_. No way in hell will I need a pair of lacy red undergarments in Vegas. I mean, sure, it's like the golden rule to have sexy underwear when partying, but really, what's the point if you're stuck staying sober to babysit a bunch of grown men?

"You don't like it." She frowns.

"No, no, I like it." I reassure her. "I'm just, I don't know. I don't need it, you know?"

She laughs. "Of course you need it, you're going to fucking Sin City bitch!"

"Please don't call me that." I sigh.

"Sorry, but seriously. In Vegas an ass like yours has got to be in a thong like that if you want to get laid. Guy's don't want a girl who's comfortable in a pair of bikini cut underwear or boy shorts. They want a woman who's confident and sexy and knows how to strut her stuff in the bedroom an–"

At that point I literally throw my hand across the front of my face, shaking it. I can't believe I'm actually having this conversation. "Okay, okay, it's been at least ten minutes. Doug should be here by now."

Trish nods her head, instantly stopping her sexual pep-talk. Mentally, I thank the Lord and put the lid on the present I will probably never open again and brush past her. She follows, and together we make our way back to the lobby and wait for Doug.

"Are any of Doug's friend's hot?"

"I don't know. I haven't met them. All I know is one's name is Stu and the other Phil."

She scrunches up her nose obviously disgusting by them already. Trish is always judgmental, especially when it comes to men. I'm not sure why, but whenever I ask her, her only excuse is because she's a woman who's in her sexual prime and she has the right to be picky. I say it's because she has high standards, but whenever I state my opinion she argues against it.

"There he is." I watch as he pulls into the parking lot. He and Alan are sitting in Alan's father's Mercedes. Glancing at them, I see Doug tell Alan something and get out of the car, running towards the lobby where he sees me, stops in front of the door, and waves.

"Well, I suppose I should get going. I'll see you when I get back though, okay?"

Trish nods, pulling me into a hug. "Take my advice, wear the undies." When she pulls away she gives me a wink and together we walk to the front door before moving to separate ends of the parking lot.

"Hello there my darling baby cousin," Doug pulls me into a tight hugging, kissing my cheek.

I push him off, muttering a loud _yuck _while whipping my face. He laughs, pulling me towards the Mercedes where Alan's blasting the Jonas Brothers.

"Hey Al," I wrap my arms around his neck and smile. Honestly, I love Alan. He's like the life of the party. Every time I manage to see him he's always doing some sort of crazy shit and embarrassing everybody. Plus, even though he's totally weird he always manages to make me laugh.

"Carson!" He hugs me back. "It's been a long time! How've you been?"

We both pull away and I get into the car, sitting behind Doug. "I've been great. Just moved into a new apartment a few months ago and have been going to school."

"Oh cool, what are you majoring in?"

"I'm majoring in dance and minoring in English."

Alan just nods his head, growing silent for a couple of seconds as the radio continues to blast his favorite band's music. Slowly, a guitar solo builds and one of the singers starts singing. I'm not who's singing the song or what song it is for that matter; all I know is its property of the Jonas Brothers.

While the song continues to play Doug shakes his head and slips on a pair of sunglasses as he makes his way to his next destination.

"Ahem, did you have to park so close?" Alan asks, looking at Doug.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" Doug looks back at Alan, raising his brows curiously.

"I shouldn't be here." He looks around nervously.

"And why is that Alan?" Doug asks.

"I'm not supposed to be within two-hundred feet of a school," Alan replies with a little more forcibility than what I'm used to when upholding a conversation with him.

"Why not," I ask, "we're in a public area. It's not like you're going to get arrested or anything."

"Or a _Chuck E Cheese_," he adds.

I bite my lips together, holding in my laughter as I watch Alan fill up with pure anxiety. Every time a kid passes a car he inches closer towards Doug who just looks at me with a desperate look that just screams _help me_. Shaking my head, I lean forward, pulling my keys and whatnot from my pockets and place them in the front compartment of my suitcase. Before I close it up, I pull out my sunglasses and slip them on.

"Hey, Mr. Wenneck," a small boy calls out towards a guy who I literally have to make a double take at.

"It's the weekend Budnick, I **do not** you –you **do not **exist." His voice although harsh, makes me think of him to be even more attractive. Something about it is just smooth and flowing just like his hair. Wow. He's got great hair.

He walks along the steps only to stop in front of the Mercedes, eyeing it with a large smile. "Shit, nice car." He throws his bag into the back, almost wailing me in the face. Silently, I smack it out of the way with the side of my arm and look between him and Doug who's smiling away like the idiot he is.

"I'm driving." The attractive guy says.

"No chance." Doug replies. When he says it the guy shrugs and climbs into the back, stepping on the interior which causes Doug to have a verbal fit.

"Will you just shut up and drive before one of these nerds asks me another question." He runs his fingers through his hair and stretches his arm around the seat. Glancing at him, I notice his one hand that's wrapped around my side of the backseat barely makes it around half of my back, but manages to still touch me. Apparently he notices it to because he looks at me and cocks his brow upwards with a curious grin. "Well hello there."

"Hi," I respond awkwardly.

"Doug who is this beautiful girl and why is she sitting in the backseat of this Mercedes," he asks, glancing between Doug and I as we drive to Doug's other friend's house.

"That would be my baby cousin Carson who is completely off-limits to you in every single way." Doug looks up at the rearview mirror, smirking at his friend.

"Well then Carson," he ignores Doug's last part of the comment and slides closer to me, smiling. "I'm Phil, Doug's friend." He holds out his hand.

Grabbing it, I nod.

When he pulls away, he drapes his arm over my shoulder and looks at Alan. "So if this is Carson your cousin than who's this?"

"That's Alan, Tracy's brother." I reply.

"I met you like four times." Alan replies, turning himself around in the chair to give Phil a hurt look.

"Oh, yeah," Phil says, "how you doing man?"

After we pick up Phil at work we drive for a couple more minutes until we reach a road filled with houses. Stopping at a particular one nobody gets out and we all sit around for a couple of minutes waiting.

"Shouldn't we go get him?" I ask, pointing to the front door.

"Nah," Phil says, "We're better off just yelling for him. His girlfriend Melissa is a total bitch and pretty much hates us all."

"You in particular," Doug snorts.

"Shut up asshole."

"I wonder why." I look at Phil, smirking a little bit.

He rolls his eyes, nudging me a little bit.

"Hey genius, maybe you should call for him." Doug interjects, slipping his glasses onto his head so he can shoot Phil a noticeable glare.

Phil nods, smirking as wide as possible to piss off Doug in every way that he can. He then cups his hands over his mouth and yells: "Paging Dr. Faggot, Dr. Faggot!"

"Classy." I respond, resting my head on my hand as I lean my elbow against the edge of the Mercedes.

"I thought so."

Moments later a fairly average sized guy with short brown hair and glasses appears in front of the Mercedes, gripping his suitcase. He says hello to all the guys until eventually his eyes fall on me.

"Hello?" He says curiously.

"Hi, I'm Carson –Doug's cousin."

"My aunt and uncle thought it'd be fun to bring her along for her birthday." Doug says.

"And to make sure you guys get home safely." I add.

"Ah, well in that case the more the merrier. I'm Stu Price." Stu smiles wide, shaking my hand, when our hands part he snaps his fingers and looks at me, "oh, and happy birthday!"

"Thanks."

"How old are you turning?" Stu asks.

"I just turned twenty-two today."

"You're twenty-two!" Phil looks at me.

I nod.

He looks between all the guys who look at him like he's an idiot. Doug instantly laughs and starts driving.


End file.
